English Vampires

English Vampire: (Noun) A person who only talks to you because he or she wants to improve their English skill. Displays no interest in you as an actual person; you are only a native speaker with whom to test out and refine their speaking acuity.


I coined this phrase when I studied at 早稲田 in東京 from 2001-2002. It was very easy to see which students really wanted to get to know me vs. those who wanted to use me for linguistic target practice.

A recent experience through my on-campus tutoring job had me encounter one of these such vampires. It only hit me yesterday that this person perfectly fell into this category and it took me two months of contact before I figured out this was the reason why this student bugged the sh!t out of me.

I hate to disparage this student since he/she is quite enthusiastic and open to learning many new things. But...after conducting an experiment yesterday during one of our tutoring sessions, he/she is permanently entered into the vampire category. I told him/her that it was necessary to "have fun" with English at times, so I had brought a variety of speaking games.

Sure enough, when it was my turn to share a little-known tidbit about myself, the student appeared bored, distracted and totally disinterested. The classic signs of an English Vampire.

My last meeting with this student is today. I'm coming armed with my wooden stake, garlic garland, and gilded crucifix.